When Christian parents love and train their children the same way God loves and trains His children, I call this
Grace Parenting
The Importance of Parenting
Raising healthy children is one of the most important assignments anyone receives from the Lord. In present day USA, with the number of single parent homes on the rise, good parenting skills are even more important. Children, by God’s design grow healthier with both a father and mother in the home. When one parent is absent, a heavier burden falls on the remaining parent to provide the love, patience, training and correction that children need, but one parent can produce a healthy child. If you are a single parent, God will help you and enable you to parent your child in a way that will bless them and prepare them for adult life.
God – The Perfect Parent
When any person believes the gospel, the death burial and resurrection of Christ for their personal salvation, God adopts them into His Royal family forever (Rom 8:15). When we become His children, He enters us into a training program that inspires us to grow into strong, responsible spiritual adults who willingly take on spiritual responsibilities.
Hebrews 12:5 and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; 6 For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
We begin as spiritual babies (1Pet 2:2), grow into different levels of spiritual childhood and if we endure in His program, we grow to become mature, spiritual adults (Heb 5:14). God perfectly parents His children and enables them to grow up to spiritual adulthood. As we seek guidance to parent our children, we find the perfect example in the way that God parents us.
Four Areas of Parenting
Raising healthy children that are able to grow into adults and handle adult responsibilities requires that parents think and act using the principles of God’s word. A good parent acts toward his/her children in the same way that God acts toward His children in Christ. Children need a fair authority to draw clear boundaries, they need attentive parents that will protect them from the world, they need informed parents that will train them to take responsibility and they need healthy parents who can set a good example of how good people live. In this article we will examine how God parents us in grace, four areas of parenting and finally we will develop God’s grace provisions that enable Christian parents to parent like God.
God’s Grace Parenting
When Christ hung on the cross, He paid for all of the sins of the world. Before we were saved, in fact before we were even born, all of the judicial penalties for sins were paid in full and resolved (1Jn 2:2). When we trust in Christ for salvation, we enter a parental relationship where all of the penalties for boundary violations are already paid. When God uses corrective measures as our parent, it is never as retribution, revenge or as a means of making us pay for disobedience. God corrects us for one reason and one reason only, He loves us and intends to teach and train us, for our own benefit. His grace has already paid for our sins and now His grace corrects our bad habits of thinking and behaving to help align us with His boundaries so that we can be blessed. God’s grace parenting is motivated by love and is designed to benefit us by training us to habitually behave in ways that will bring blessings to our life.
Parenting Like God
God gives us firm boundaries and never compromises His position of authority. He corrects us because He loves us and wants to change the way we think and act. When we understand God’s love and training program for us, we can train our children the way He trains us. We correct our children because we love them and want them to make decisions that will bring positive, not negative results. When they violate the boundaries we establish, we can be firm and implement corrective strategies while remaining calm, kind and loving. We can parent them with grace. Grace never takes revenge when lines are crossed, grace corrects to benefit the one who needs to change. With grace in mind, Christian parents can build their corrective methods around the idea of helping children change their thinking and habits, not pay for what they did wrong.
Fair Authority – Clear Boundaries – Appropriate Consequences
God is the Boss of the universe and He has given clear guidelines to His children about what is right and what is wrong. God is the perfect parent. Like all Christians, all children need a fair authority figure to give them clear boundaries of right and wrong, along with appropriate consequences for violating the boundaries. When children are young, they have yet to develop the ability to look at their circumstances and draw reasonable
conclusions on which to act. The ability to improvise and make good decisions comes with age and experience. Because of this, children need clear cut lines that tell them where they stand in relation to right and wrong. They need to know that obeying the adults in their life is right and that lying, cheating and stealing is wrong. They also need to understand the consequences both good and bad that will occur from the choices they make. Good parents teach their children that good decisions reap positive results and that the opposite is also true.
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
Protective Parents
In an evil world where the devil’s philosophy is dominant (Jn 8:44), it pays for parents to pay close attention to the outside forces that come into contact with your children. Clear boundaries not only teach behavior but they provide protection. There are many in our world who will take advantage of the innocent and even hurt them in permanent ways. Children naturally trust others and without parental oversight can get themselves into trouble. While God loves children, He has temporarily allowed evil to exist in our world and expects parents to protect them. Protect them from evil from the outside and also protect them from the evil ideas they bring home by training them in the Lord.
Children are also very curious about adult experiences and will seek ways to enter into adult situations way before they are ready. These experiences can push them forward into adult life before their hearts are ready, resulting in extreme feelings of guilt and shame. For example, people who experience sex as children will have a permanent sexual fixation even in adult life and their sexual life will be distorted in their marriage. Children who are damaged early in life have a difficult time healing as adults. They spend a great deal of their adult life trying to recover from damage, rather than use their adulthood to enjoy and contribute to their world. Over zealous protection of your children will frustrate your children but will also protect them from making terrible mistakes. Protect your children by knowing where they are, who they are with and what they are doing every moment of their childhood so that they can enter into adult life as healthy people.
Parental Training
Parents, especially fathers are charged with the responsibility of training their children in the knowledge of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The word discipline means to train them by educating them and by using corrective methods to steer them into good habits of behavior. All of us form habits of thinking and acting when we choose specific paths over time. When children are taught about the Lord and persuaded to act within the guidelines of the Lord, children will form habitual behaviors that will pay them dividends in adulthood. The word instruction means to admonish, teach and give warning about behavior. Parents are commanded to teach their children the principles of the word, correct them to form good habits of behavior and admonish them about violating God’s boundaries of wise ways of living.
A Good Church
A good local church can be helpful in training your children in the Lord. Often parents allow their children to choose the church they attend because of the entertaining youth program. If the youth program provides sound instruction in the word and is talented enough to make it entertaining then you have been blessed. If the program is full of fun but light on the word, you will be well served to find a church who takes the word more seriously (just my opinion after 30 years and raising 4 children). It is the promises and principles of God’s word that will empower your children to find Christ for themselves and live a blessed and successful life. If you cannot find a good bible church to teach your children the word, then you must educate yourself and teach them at home. Their spiritual education is the most important advantage you can give your kids, so don’t leave it to others to see that it is done.
Parental Examples
Children learn information by listening but they learn how to live by imitation. Children are natural mimics and they will look for people they respect to imitate. Your children will most certainly imitate you, either for the good or the bad. The best thing you can do for your children is to submit your life to the Lord, grow to maturity in the word and live the Christian life for real. Parents who know the Lord and live their lives in His service set the highest example for children to follow. Living for the Lord gives no guarantees that your children will follow, but your genuine Christian life will give them the best chance to do the same.
God parents us in grace, consistently correcting us to help us form good habits of behavior. He gives us clear boundaries and provides us with authority that is firm but kind and loving. He commands us to protect our children by closely monitoring their friends and activities. He commands us to train and nurture them in the Lord and provide a spiritual environment where they can learn the word while providing good examples of people who live their lives for Him.
Finally, I encourage you to pray for your children every day. What you can’t do with your human limitations, God can do because he has none. Ask Him to protect them and provide good influences in their life. Ask Him to lead you to a good bible church where you can learn the word so that you can be one of the good influences.
